1. I
frequently feel split.
Sometimes I love and admire you so much I could burst. Other times I am so
challenged by your way of being I do burst. All over both of us. Sorry about
that.
2. I
am sorry if I seem critical, or
if it feels like I want to change you. Sometimes I struggle with what you do
and how you respond. I love you and I want us to work so much. The only way I
know how is to try and make you and me better.
3. Sometimes
you trigger something deep in me that really hurts. I don’t always know how to manage
that. I may need some time to work
out if the issue is mine or yours or both of ours. You are a great mirror. You
help me see my own wounds. I am learning to deal with these.
4. I
appreciate your loyalty to me.
I would love to see it extend to thinking or wondering more about my needs, or
even asking how you could help me. Sometimes I feel alone managing all that I
do. I like to feel that you are there.
5. Hello!
I am here! I know
you get very busy and absorbed doing what you do, but sometimes I feel forgotten.
Come and pat me, tell me you love me, ask me what I am doing. Show me that you
know I am here.
6. I
know you get very frustrated and it is hard to manage those feelings. But you need to know when you let
loose all that rage, it frightens me. I may shout back or withdraw from you,
but that is what I do to manage my feelings. I am always looking for a
different way but sometimes I can’t find one.
7. I
would like to develop strategies with you. It is hard to do without patronising or criticising
you, or making you feel small. Sometimes my word choice is clumsy. I want to
support you to take responsibility for your feelings and actions, just as I am
trying to take responsibility for mine.
8. Sometimes
I get so overwhelmed with all I cannot control, that I feel helpless and
hopeless. I know
you know this feeling. Please don’t feel bad. I am just exhausted and
struggling to find new ways to understand, to see, and to be with our life
together.
9. I
love how you are different from others and I celebrate your uniqueness and your
gifts. But sometimes
I struggle with that difference when it shows up in ways that expose us both. I
am trying to let go of my attachment to ‘normal’, but it is deeply entrenched
in me. I want you to be free to be who you are. Sometimes I forget that it is
OK.
10. Sometimes I want more companionship,
conversation or intimacy from you than you may feel ready or able to give. Rather than try to manipulate you
or force you, I will try to take responsibility for this and manage my needs through
other appropriate channels. I love us both enough to honour your need for
solitude, and my need for connection.
While I am
at it I will just add 3 more:
11. Sometimes I am awkward around you. I want to say something but I don’t
know how to tell you in a way that will not hurt your feelings, or make you
anxious and angry. I want you to know I still love you, even when I have
unpleasant things to say.
12. I know you do not like to be
interrupted, but
sometimes life happens unexpectedly and I have to interrupt you because I need
to consult with you, get your opinion, or get your assistance. We are a team and
that is how a team works.
13. When I am distressed, I just need
you to listen. You
don’t have to fix anything or tell me what you think. You just need to pay
attention to me and to say “I’m sorry that happened”, or “Is there anything I
can do?” This tells me you care about me and I feel heard and loved.
