The Blurt

It is hard to imagine that we could reframe a ‘blurt’ into something worthy. We have all been on the end of a ‘blurt’ from our Aspie, and after we got over the shock, the hurt or the outrage, we may have felt sure we had to stop the flow of blurts into the world. There is a reason blurt rhymes with hurt.

Yet while we have all been victims of the ‘blurt’, we have all been the perpetrator of the ‘blurt’ too. We have all had times when our mouth has had its own agenda, and some cosmic force used us as a puppet. It has happened to the best of us, and rarely do we have the intent to cause the harm it seems to.

It is interesting then, that when we are on the receiving end of a ‘blurt’, we can feel mortally wounded. Perhaps it is because we know deep down, that what comes forth from the mouth of the blurter, comes from some other place. A place where there is less time to add layers of distortion or untruth upon it. The words arrive without the interference of the censor button, and are delivered straight in the space between blurter and blurtee. Blurted words lay there between one person’s surprise and another’s humiliation (especially if we have a usually working censor). These words may be more authentic and truthful than we care to know. Like salt on a wound, they sting our most tender spots.

What is considered a ‘blurt’ from an Aspie, is really authenticity. It is unadulterated, clean thoughts straight from their heads. If we can learn to get over ourselves and stop judging the package it arrived in, we will see the gold. The Aspie has delivered a message that could be exactly what we needed to hear. It has been my experience over and over. Of course we probably won’t like what we hear. There is a reason the ‘blurt’ is so unpopular. But if we can put down our pride for a moment, we may realise that it is a little gift. Horribly wrapped, but a gift nevertheless.

Just the other day, Humphrey (my now 15 year old ASD daughter) took an out loud note of my ‘back bosoms’. You know that little roll of fat that appears over your bra strap? It makes for a double muffin top; one down over our jeans and one higher up our back.

Now while I could have run with this in many directions, I found myself standing in front of her with my hands up in surrender, “You got me on that one!” I knew those air chips were not really air because the more I ate of them, the bigger those back bosoms grew. I just wanted to pretend it was something else that was completely out of my control. You know, like a middle aged spread or a thyroid condition. I had hoped only I noticed them. Clearly I was not the only one.

Who knows how many air chips I may have gone on to consume? I could have got as far as ankle bosoms and diabetes. Thanks to Humphrey’s lack of diplomacy, I got the reality check that no one else in their social politeness was going to give me. And it didn’t look like I was going to give one to myself.

Maybe it is not ‘shame on the Aspie’ for blurting, but ‘shame on us’ for pretending. Coating our truths in layers of fairy floss, the truth is hard to find. I am not advocating the hurtful blurt, but I am offering another possible way to see the ‘blurt’. We will never fully control what comes out of another’s mouth, nor do we have the right. We can however, control how we see it, where we put it, and what we do with it in response when it comes our way.

And we can support our Aspie loved ones to own their own Truth as their reality, their view, as opposed to an absolute one and only reality. We can encourage them to offer their truth accordingly, and in a way that may be more palatable for a world unready for such intense honesty. And while we are at it, instead of pretending not to see in order to avoid offending others, we can commit to sharing honestly and lovingly for the benefit of us all. There is a part for each of us to play.